


Love Is A Lot Like Drowning

by kinkykitsune



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Derek Hale/Top Stiles Stilinski, Claiming, Eventual Sterek, F/M, Frottage, Implied Mpreg, Knotting, M/M, Magic Made Them Do It, Multi, Past Derek Hale/Paige, Past Kate Argent/Derek Hale, Rating: M, Sheriff Stilinski's Name is John, Slow Build, Tattooed Stiles Stilinski, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, Top Derek Hale/Bottom Stiles Stilinski, Versatile Derek Hale, Versatile Stiles Stilinski, Why Did I Write This?, like a lot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-15
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2019-10-10 13:48:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 22,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17427062
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinkykitsune/pseuds/kinkykitsune
Summary: Despite how he feels Derek wants to provide the best for his pack. All he wants in life is a happy pack and two or three cubs. So he sets off to find a mate that could give him just that.orThe one where the pack thinks Derek is making a big mistake.~~~~I'm really bad at summaries.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> All mistakes are mine. Unbetaed. 
> 
> I do not own the rights to the characters or songs mentioned.
> 
> I'm back! Here's another one that may make your hearts hurt for a bit. I don't know how many chapters this will be. I am about half way done with writing it. So this is a total WIP. Also, as a heads-up, once it's posted I will probably go back and edit parts that do not make sense based on any comments left.
> 
> Happy reading!

Derek knew it was a mistake to fall in love with someone from the pack. He knew that the pack deserved better than an alpha who lost himself in between the legs of another. That they deserved a better alpha than that. One who didn’t skirt his duties, to keep their welfare and happiness above all else. An alpha who would protect them at all cost and provide a safe place for them to grow.

Which is why he only let himself have one night. One night of immense pleasure. One night to let go from all the things that said that this was a bad decision. He wanted one night were the rules didn’t apply to him and he could let his wolf take over to claim the one that he saw as theirs. And thus Derek did. He allowed himself that one night to let go and let his wolf take over as he lost himself in Stiles.

Derek sat on the edge of the pack watching him interact with the pack. Laughing at something that Erica said about Kylo Ren from the new star wars movie that they were watching. He heard Scott grumbling about having to watch yet another star wars movie. He watched as stiles threw his head back exposing the long expanse of his neck splattered with amber stars that he once traced. He knew that there was a cluster behind Stiles' left ear and the few on his right side just below his collarbone. He knew that because he'd mapped them out with the tip of his tongue and followed up with butterfly kisses that made Stiles stutter out a ragged moan.

He knew all this and still, it wasn't enough. Wasn't enough to allow himself to take Stiles over and over again as his wolf demanded? To allow himself to bury himself in the warm wet heat that he knew belonged to stiles. To allow himself to have Stiles as an alpha's mate. That wasn't what the pack deserved. No, they deserved an alpha that could provide the pack with stability that came from the alpha's cubs. It showed that the pack was stable and strong enough to protect the alpha, his mate and their cubs.

Which is why he couldn't have Stiles. He needed to give the pack that stability that came from a traditional alpha pair. And that included a mate that could provide him with cubs just like every other Hale alpha in the last 200 years. 

So no he couldn’t have more than one night, it wasn't fair to the pack and it wasn't fair to Stiles despite what his wolf wanted. It wasn't his place to put his needs above the packs. Not anymore. That wasn't the job on an alpha.

So pleasuring Stiles wasn't his job anymore. It wasn't his place to think about what it would be to make stiles not only throw his head back in pleasure or laughter as he did a minute ago or to wake him up with soft kisses along his collarbone. And it also wasn't his job to remember the way he could watch the way stiles blush would travel down his chest as it flushed with redness and the warmth of blood as it rushed to the surface of his skin.

No, that job belonged to Marcus. Marcus who was a werewolf from the Akins pack near Berkley. Marcus who Stiles met his junior year of college. It was Marcus who knew what Stiles star riddled skin tasted like. Marcus that got to watch as Stiles moaned with his whole body, who did everything 110% and that carried over to the bedroom.

Marcus was on the receiving end of the way Derek knew Stiles could move his hips. The way Stiles could bend and sway his hips to a melody that only he knew as he dragged his cock over sensitive areas. It was Marcus who now rushed to Stiles side if he was injured in a fight. It was he that wiped Stiles' tears when John was hurt in the line of duty a few months ago. And it Marcus who had the boy turned man, full of lithe grace from so many years of running with wolves, sitting in his lap while enjoying the company of the pack in the den of the rebuilt house on Hale land.

"Are you okay?" 

Derek jumped when the voice of someone that had once moaned in his ear; filthy words falling from full lips that never seemed to stop moving, said from his right. 

He shook his head dispel thoughts that should have been long forgotten, distant memories of passion given by the one next to him. Lost as he was in far off places that he didn’t notice that Stiles was no longer seated. That he’d moved with quietness taught by sneaking up on the supernatural. Derek was so lost that he didn’t notice Stiles stood next to him.

"I'm fine," he gruffed out. Lips tight withheld words he prayed never tumbled past. 

He watched as Stiles' eyes flitted across his face as he searched for the lie that his face held behind drawn eyebrows and down turned lips. 

"Okay," Stiles said after he took in a deep breath, eyes still searching for answers left unsaid, before he turned back towards the group. "Well stop being a creeperwolf and come join the rest of us."

Derek stared after Stiles as he tried not to watch the sway of hips as he walked back to his boyfriend. No not boyfriend his fiancé. That's what Marcus was, he wasn’t his boyfriend; he was Stiles' fiancé. Stiles had moved on from Derek while Derek was trapped in past memories that should be long forgotten.

"I'm going for a run," Derek said as he walked towards the front of the house and ignored the wave of displeasure that flowed through the pack bonds and the call of his name from lips he should forget.

~0~

"What's his problem?" Stiles voiced to the group at large as he settled back into Marcus' lap resuming his earlier position. He turned his head to the group spread out over the couches and floor of the den. Stiles glanced over to Lydia, who was snuggled up to Jackson on the loveseat to his right, to see if she would answer. She was his best friend as Scott no longer held that position after their falling out over Donovan, so he expected for her to give have an answer.

When she failed to respond, he looked at the rest of his pack and watched as everyone turned back to watch the movie that played from the hanging projector.

Something had changed within the pack while he was away at Berkeley. Something that they felt the need to keep from him and it pissed him off.

The smell of ozone clouded the room as rage consumed Stiles. He wasn't used to a pack that ignored him when he asked a question. Usually, Erica or Lydia was the first to spill answers. Stiles felt as blood boiled through his veins. All the wolves whipped their heads towards Stiles braced for an attack. Growls ripped from their throats as the faced off with Stiles. Stiles rarely let his anger get the best of since he learned how to control his spark. But on occasion, it was hard for it to be kept quiet.

Stiles gritted his teeth. "I said _'what is his problem?'"_

“Calm down Stiles,” Lydia said as she flipped her hair over her shoulder. “He’s probably just anxious to go up the Salvatore pack.”

“Lydia!” Erica chided.

“What he was bound to find out anyway. I’m surprised Isaac hadn’t told him already.” Lydia replied to the blonde.

“He’s… what?” Stiles sputtered as loosened his hands and recalled his spark.

“Might as well tell him since the cats out the bag.”

Stiles watched as the pack looked at each other to see who was going to be the one to speak. Eyebrows flowed in silence between each one as if it was its own language. A trait definitely learned from their alpha. 

“Fine! I’ll tell him,” Jackson said as he straightened up in his seat. “Derek is going to Oregon to meet with a beta from their pack.”

“A beta? Why?”

“To see if she is a suitable match.”

“A match for what? And please don’t give me a half ass answer.”

“To be the alpha’s mate.”

Stiles was quiet while the words washed over him. “Why wouldn’t ya’ll tell me?"

“It’s not like you care,” Scott said from the spot where he was laid between Isaac and Allison.

“You’re leaving anyway so why should he tell you.”

“Leaving… what the _hell _are you talking about Scott?”__

__Scott rolled his eyes as if Stiles was being obtuse on purpose. “To the Akins pack. You’re engaged to Marcus.”_ _

__Stiles felt his mouth respond, “The hell I am! Why would I leave?”_ _

__No one said anything after Stiles exploded as they processed what Stiles had said._ _

__“Oh,” Allison said. “So you’re not leaving?”_ _

__“No. Why would I leave? You’re my pack.” Stiles replied to Allison’s perplexed look. “I’m not going anywhere. Marcus is joining us. I was going to talk to ya’ll about it this weekend at the pack bbq.”_ _

__“Well shit, Batman, you couldn’t tell us this before?”_ _

__Stiles opened his mouth to reply when a howl ripped through the house. Stiles was unceremoniously dropped onto the floor while all the wolves ran toward the alpha._ _

__~0~_ _

__Derek brought his head back down after he called for his betas. He was out here to clear his mind before he went back into the house. The tension was rising in the house as he watched his pack try to keep his courting from Stiles. He was no longer going to be pack after the wedding in just a few months so it was no use to tell him about it.  
Derek admired his pack for their dedication to him and to each other. But he knew it hurt them to keep it a secret from Stiles and he knew that they would have told him months ago if he didn’t alpha voice him to keep quiet. _ _

__He was halfway through his perimeter run when he smelled the rich scent of ozone that was associated with magic. It was one that he had intimate knowledge of. Stiles carried it heavily in his scent that it was hard to tell what was his and what was magic._ _

__Without thought, Derek threw his head back and called out his location to the pack after his initial call to let them know that an intruder had passed over into Hale territory. Derek was terrified of leaving his pack unattended while he was in Oregon courting Marissa. It could take anywhere from a few months to a year to fully court her properly. He knew that he had a strong pack and an even stronger second and left hand. Erica and Isaac surprised him with their loyalty and fierceness which is why they held the positions that they did.  
Derek heard the pack running through the woods toward him for further instruction with Isaac reaching him first followed being everyone else, the humans bringing up the rear a few minutes later. Derek looked around his pack making sure they were all accounted for._ _

__“What do you got boss?” Erica asked cutting right to the point which is why she was his second._ _

__“I smelled magic in the east sector closer to the trails. I doubt someone got lost so far off the path. Split up in pairs. Call if you have anything. Erica, Isaac and Boyd pair up with the humans.” He said before he disappeared into the trees. It was light enough that he didn’t have to worry about anyone not seeing properly._ _

__Derek looked over and saw Jackson as he paced next to him. Eyes burning blue as scales rippled against his neck. No one knew how Jackson retained some of the kanima abilities, not even Deaton. Derek was just grateful that Jackson was on his side and could control it when necessary. “Circle right along the perimeter to see if you can catch the scent. Find me in ten minutes if you haven’t found anything.”_ _

__Derek let the wolf take over while the hunted the intruder down. Trees passed by in a blur as they whipped across the hair on his face as his eyes burned red. Derek wasn’t paying attention when he made to the clearing that sat in the middle of his territory. So when he saw the guy it was too late to change course and slammed into the barrier that surrounded the man._ _

__“Aht. Aht. Alpha Hale. I wouldn’t try that if I was you.” The man said as he watched Derek charge the barrier again. “Such foolish young alphas. Never pay attention to their elders.”  
“This is Hale territory. You’re trespassing.”_ _

__“Seriously Derek. That’s what you go with?” Stiles said as he mocked him while he panted for breath. “You might as well say, ‘get off my lawn.’ Followed up by, ‘this is private property.’”_ _

__Derek didn’t take his eyes off the man in front of him to reply to Stiles. “Shut up Stiles.”_ _

__“Ooh, what fun!” the man shrieked in front of them. “As spark has come to play. But I wouldn’t do that if I were you. My magic is more powerful.” He teased Stiles. “I have spells woven in spells. I could teach you but you would not listen.”_ _

__“What are you doing in my territory?”_ _

__“What do you mean teach?”_ _

__Both replied at the same time._ _

__“It is neither here nor there. I wish to pass peacefully. If you allow me to me on my way without your merry band of misfits following me, I promise to be a good boy. If not…” The guy trailed off as he backed away from them._ _

__“Wait!—“_ _

__“Stiles! Not now.” Derek barked at him._ _

__“But how will we know if he leaves. You can’t just take him at his word.”_ _

__“But why not Mischief?” The guy said as he laughed as Stiles whipped his head back to him._ _

__“How do you know his name?” Derek demanded as he took a step forward through a mouth full of dropped fangs._ _

__“I know a lot alpha. Say for instance, about alpha mates and cubs. Care for me to say more?” The guy stopped and tilted his head. His eyes roamed over Derek. “No, you don’t do you. You’re just going to ignore it huh? Well, that just won’t do. Guess I’m here to teach you after all.”_ _

__“Derek, what's he talking about?”_ _

__“ _Shut up Stiles_.”_ _

__“While I find this very entertaining. Seeing the secrets that you both keep. Both not wanting the other to know. I can hear the rest of you pack coming so I’ll leave you two with a gift--…”_ _

__“Wha—“_ _

__“…gift?” Derek finished_ _

__“No speaking. I am trying to give you a gift; do not make me spell you instead." The guy said while he raised his hands in front of him, "I’m feeling generous enough to give you each something that you want and each so desperately needs." Derek watched as the man flicked his wrist in each of their directions." Have a good day!” The guy said before disappearing._ _

__“But we didn’t get your name,” Stiles called out. “And what did you give us? You can’t disappear without letting us know. You’re the worse gift giver ever.”_ _

__Derek turned to Stiles to shush him when he heard words on the wind that silenced the sounds of the forest. He could no longer hear the pack approaching or his own heartbeat. He could see Stiles speaking but he couldn’t hear the words._ _

__“I have many names Sparky. Karma, Destiny, Mayhem… Fate. Don’t worry alpha my gift will come when you need it. Tootles!”_ _

__As the words faded Derek felt the rush of sounds flood his system in one fell swoop. It knocked him on his ass and that’s how the pack found him._ _

__“Derek are you alright? What happened?” Erica as she rushed over to him. “We couldn’t get to you. We could see you and Stiles talking to someone but we could make out their form.”_ _

__Derek sat up and looked over to where Stiles laid unconscious. Marcus hovering over him with a worried frown. Jackson was by his side trying to wake Stiles._ _

__Derek grunted as he stood up.“Everyone back to the house. We’ll regroup there.” Derek said as he stomped off heading back to the house. He didn’t allow himself to check on Stiles. To make sure that Stiles was alright, no that was Marcus’ job now, he just hoped that he did it right._ _

__~0~_ _

__Stiles woke with a pounding headache. It felt like someone taped his eyes closed with sandpaper. Sound slowly filtered back into a recognizable pattern outside of the rushing sound of his own blood. He looked around noticing that he was in his room in the hale house. He hadn’t seen the room since he started living with Marcus. Though it was familiar all the same. A picture of his mother with a smaller Stiles sat on the nightstand. Leftover protection items and jars full of herbs littered every other surface in the room._ _

__If he was honest with himself, he’d admit that he missed living here. Stiles knew that he could never admit it; as much as it hurt him not to. The issue was a hard subject that he and Lydia fought over daily. She knew the truth and thought his crazy for not saying anything. He also knew that it was causing tension in the pack to not have him here but he wanted to respect them enough to not flaunt his relationship in front of them. Stiles understood now why the tension was there, underlining every conversation and pack meeting for the last year. They thought he was leaving them. He could follow their train of thought. He would have had the same train of thought if it was one of the other members. If Lydia and Jackson got engaged while he was still a part of the London pack, he’d assume that she was going to move to be with him. He loved his pack and could never see himself leaving them nor their alpha. Derek was, well he was everything Stiles ever wanted and everything that he didn’t need. Which he proved to Stiles his sophomore year at Berkley._ _

__Stiles shook his head to rid himself of memories he had no right to dwell on, not now, not while he was engaged to Marcus. A grown escaped from his lips as he tried to sit up._ _

__“Stiles!” Lydia shouted right next to him._ _

__“Shhh…hurts.”_ _

__“Sorry.” She said sheepishly. “Do you need anything? Water…Marcus?”_ _

__“The first… then the second.” Stiles groaned._ _

__“Okay. I’ll be right back.”_ _

__Stiles watched her rush out of the room to go get what he needed. There were a few herbs on his nightstand that would help with his head. Stiles reached for them when a hand stopped him._ _

__“Here, let me get them.”_ _

__“Dammit Derek. I swear I’m going to put a bell on you. Make some noise or something. My head already hurts I don’t need a heart attack to go along with it.”_ _

__“I’m…just—“_ _

__“Use your words Derek. We’ve been over this.”_ _

__Derek huffed out a laugh, “Sure wed have. Let me help.”_ _

__Stiles rolled back on to the bed with a grunt. “Hand me the one with the red label.” Stiles opened his hand while he waited for Derek to find it. “Thanks.”_ _

__Stiles looked over at Derek and saw Derek had retreated into himself reminiscent of so many years ago. “So Oregon huh?” Stiles said to break some of the tension in the room and it had the opposite effect._ _

__Derek’s eyes flashed red, “Who told you?”_ _

__Stiles laid there and watched as Derek was consumed with anger. He didn’t understand why it was such a big deal. He wanted Derek to be happy even if… Well, he wanted him to have what he and Marcus had even if it wasn’t with him. He wanted… he needed Derek to be happy._ _

__“Why was it such a secret? Why didn’t you tell me?” Stiles argued back. He would not back down, never had and never will. Derek’s alpha eyes never had much sway over him._ _

__“It’s pack business. You didn’t have the right to know.” Derek replied with a hint of fangs._ _

__“I… what...” before he could continue Lydia came in with his water, Marcus followed close behind. Stiles covered up the hurt from Derek’s words before Marcus could smell that it wasn't connected to his headache or the slight pain in his stomach. Once he’d taken the herb mixture, he turned over, clearly dismissing the alpha. He closed his eyes and let the herbs run their course._ _

__Derek walked out of Stiles’ room. “Den. Now.” He called out to his betas while he headed to the said room. The room quickly filled with his pack in different states of dress. Derek didn’t care what he interrupted, not now._ _

__“What happened, is Stiles okay?” Jackson asked as he was the first enter the room._ _

__“Who told?” Derek watched as his words registered. A collective whine came from his betas including the human members. “You had no right!” Derek roared at them. The sight of them with necks bared did nothing to appease his wolf. Inside Derek’s wolf howled at the insubordination._ _

__“Derek… Stiles… he—“_ _

__“I don’t want to hear it, Erica. I am disappointed in all of you. Pack is everything and he’s not pack. Not anymore.” Derek finished on a whisper. Erica stepped forward to console her alpha, but he stopped her with a glare. “I expected better from you.” Eyes still red as they burned brighter with waring emotions he had no control over. Derek stepped around his betas. He couldn’t be in the same room with them any longer. Tears threatened to break through if he so much as blinked._ _

__Derek marched back up the stairs without care of anyone hearing him. When he reached the top of the third floor he made towards the entrance to the attic. No one was allowed up here. So he knew that the pack didn’t know that the entrance was behind what looked like a hall closet. The stairs were located behind the shelves that lined the small closet. Derek knew that the intended person would find the secret entrance amusing. When he rebuilt the house a couple of years ago he had the contractor build an extra space that spanned the entire house. He wanted to present the space to his emissary once he made the official request to ask Stiles to be his mate. Derek waited too late and now he would never get the chance. His emissary was marrying into the Atkins pack._ _

__Derek opened the door at the top of the stairs stepping into the cold space. He hadn’t been up here in a while. Nothing required him to do so. But he needed it now. Derek shut the door behind him to enable the soundproofing that the room provided. Once he was sure that it was activated, Derek let the tears he held back spill down his face as he roared his grief._ _

__He was disappointed in his pack. They had no right to saying anything to Stiles. They knew how he felt; had badgered him about his broodiness after Stiles announced that he was getting married. Derek loved his pack and he knew how tenacious they once they got their hooks into something. It took a few days before he spilled his feelings all over them. He explained what happened all those years ago, why he decided to build the house and why he started cultivating the pack bond to make them a stronger pack. Then he told them about his decision to provide them with a traditional alpha pair that could provide cubs for the pack. He ignored their displeasure and ordered them to be silent. Stiles would be leaving the pack and Derek wanted cubs._ _

__When the tears stopped, Derek walked over to the bay window and looked out at the preserve. This was his home and he had the right to run it the way he needed to. It no longer mattered what he wanted his needs were the pack's needs and they needed an alpha pair that they could look up to._ _

__Derek found himself back in his room. He didn’t remember leaving the attic or pulling out his duffle bag. It sat half full in front of him and he held his toiletries in his hands. He placed them in the bag and continued to pack his stuff. His leather jacket laid over the chaise next to his bedroom window. When he designed this room he designed it with his mate in mind. He wanted them to be comfortable while they were together. They didn’t have to love each other at least not at first._ _

__Derek hoped that his mate would come to love him as he would someday love them. He imagined the sound of little feet running through the house his and the pack’s children. Giggles escaping as he chased them around like his parents did him and his siblings and his cousins. Derek’s heart clenched at the memory. That’s why this was important. He wanted to provide that experience to the pack._ _

__Derek grabbed his bag and headed out of his room. He wouldn’t lock the door. He knew that the pack would need the comfort of his scent while he was away and he wouldn’t deny them that no matter how pissed he was._ _

__He reached the bottom of the stairs and ran into Marcus._ _

__“Going somewhere? I thought you were leaving in the morning.” He said when Derek approached him._ _

__“I’m getting a head start,” Derek replied as he stepped around Marcus to get to his keys._ _

__“I hope you find what you’re looking for.”_ _

__Derek whipped his head around. It was Marcus who stood in front of him but it wasn’t his voice that came out._ _

___“What did you say?”_ _ _

__“Umm have a good trip?” Marcus shrugged unsure of what was wrong with Derek._ _

__Derek looked at him a moment longer before he nodded his head._ _

__When he walked outside he wasn’t prepared for what he saw. His entire pack was in front of his Camaro with their heads tilted in a submissive position. Tears stained their cheeks and their eyes burned gold. Jackson’s burned electric blue. Allison and Lydia burned lilac signifying their dedication to the pack despite being human. Well human-ish as in Lydia’s case._ _

__“We’re sorry alpha,” Boyd said as he stood behind the pack arms around Erica as she sobbed into his shoulder. The pack nodding their collective head to agree with his statement.  
Derek felt his anger toward them fade as he took in the group. He dropped his bag and opened his arms. He wasn’t surprised when the first person to reach him was Jackson. Derek closed his arms around his beta. He was surrounded with betas in less than a minute. He’d miss them while he was away. So he allowed his wolf and himself this moment to soak up the scents of his pack._ _

__Derek pulled away from them after a few minutes. If he didn’t leave now there was no way he would be able to tomorrow and he’d failed his pack._ _

__“I got to go. I’ll be back soon.” Derek said to the group. He scent marked each of them as he walked towards the car. “I’ll call when I’m settled with the Salvatore’s. Respect Erica she’s in charge. Call me if something happens. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”_ _

__Derek pulled away from the pack house with the pack in his rearview mirror. A tug in his chest and behind his eyes that he equated to leaving his pack behind when his wolf was screaming for him to stay. ‘It’s for the good of the pack’ he thought focusing on the path out of the preserve and onto the highway._ _


	2. Chapter 2

Stiles watched as Derek drove off into the trees that covered the path away from the house. He wanted to be downstairs to say goodbye but he didn’t know what to do with himself after what Derek said. He was pack, he knew it, but now he wasn’t so sure. Stiles wrapped his arms around himself to try to stave off the tears that threatened to fall.  
“You okay?” Marcus asked as he wrapped his arms around Stiles from behind which caused him to jump.

“I swear all of you need to wear goddamn bells. That’s it, I’m getting you one for Christmas.” Stiles turned in Marcus’ arms.

Marcus smiled down at Stiles with eyes full of mirth. “Sure you will.”

Stiles’ heart beat a rapid tattoo at the memory of Derek saying the same thing a few years ago. It was after a fight with some Fae that it started to get worse than usual. Nearly everyone almost died that night. It was like facing the alpha pack all over again. There was no sense of personal space within the pack anymore. Jackson was particularly attached to Derek for over a week. Everyone was desperate to make sure that they were still alive. Stiles ever found himself being touch starved for his pack at times. Stiles shook his head to bring himself back to the present. But that was then and this was now. Stiles had no right letting his past overshadow his future. Right? _Right?_

“I’m fine,” Stiles responded to the earlier question. “Didn’t know he was leaving so soon. I wanted to talk to him about you joining the pack. It’ll have to wait now until when he’s back.”

“If you’re sure that this is what you want, you know my pack would be happy to have you. Alicia would love to retire. Seriously though, I just want you to be happy. You know I’ll follow you wherever you want to go.”

“I know,” Stiles said as leaned into Marcus. “That’s why I love you.”

The kiss came slow and unhurried. A meeting of lips from muscle memory. Stiles exhaled between one kiss and the next. He reached his hand behind Marcus’s head to angle him just where he wanted him. The sound of blood rushed in his ears drowning out the sound of his moan. He’d always loved kissing Marcus. It was never hurried or painful. There were no pent up emotions that came from longing from afar. He didn’t cry the first time Marcus’ lips meet his. He didn’t have to rely on pushing years of frustration and unrequited love in a single kiss. No kissing Marcus was like a breath of fresh air. 

Unlike kissing Derek, who had the power to drown him under pressure of unsated want. To drown Stiles with everything he ever needed and everything he ever wanted. Drown him with cries of passion from soft lips that once graced his skin. Lips that traced patterns of freckles where Derek once said that he was mapping out the stars. 

When he kissed Marcus he wasn’t as desperate for the barest hint of passion from someone he’d loved since he was sixteen. Dying at a chance to be near him outside of pack cuddles. Outside of saving his life. Outside of wanting him so bad and never knowing if it was reciprocated. An ache he thought he’d never be without as long as he stayed in Beacon Hills. Not as long as he was around Derek.

No kissing Marcus was none of that. Kissing Marcus was gentle and patient and understanding. Kissing Marcus was nothing he’d ever experience before. It was new and exciting and a relief from the pain of not being enough. Of never being the right person. Of never being chosen first from the person he was screaming at to just love him. Of never being someone’s mate. So yes kissing Marcus was a breath of fresh air but Stiles, he preferred to drown.

“Stiles,” Erica said as she opened the door to his room. Stiles turned out of Marcus’ embrace to face her. He could see the streaks that tears left on her beautiful face. Before he knew, Stiles stepped forward to grab her into his arms.

“Shh, Catwoman it’s okay,” Stiles said as his heart broke for his friend. Her whole body wracked with sobs. This was his girl, one of his best friends, and his second. It hurt him that he didn’t know how to help her. This was something that only Derek could solve and he’d just left. 

Stiles walked them over to the edge of his bed to cuddle. He enclosed his arms tighter around her waist and allowed her to burrow into his neck. He could hear the rest of the pack right before he heard the footsteps that headed towards his room. He looked over the mass of blonde hair in his face and raised his arm to tell the others to come in. He wasn’t all the surprised when Lydia curled up behind Erica and Jackson behind his back. His and Jackson’s relationship had gotten better in their first year of college. Jackson realized that Stiles was head over hills in love with their alpha and only saw Lydia as a friend. Ever since Jackson filled the Scott shaped hole in Stiles’ heart and he was forever grateful.

“He’s so stupid.” Boyd voiced as he crawled onto the bed. “Why can’t he see wh—“

“Boyd!” Isaac chastised as he slid in behind him. “Now is not the time.” Sub vocally he added “Just give it time. Hopefully, he’d figure it out soon.”

After Isaac’s reprimand, the room fell silent. Stiles’ knew that something was up, knew that if he waited long enough, it would reveal itself sooner or later. He was known to figure out puzzles with little to no information and each day that he stayed in the house someone would provide more information. Soon he’d have all of the answers he needed.  
Stiles reached out with his magic to turn the light out when the room was plunged into darkness. The faded light of the sunset long since passed. Stiles raised his head to locate Marcus when he noticed him by the door. He motioned him over but Marcus shook his head.

“Stay with your pack; they need you right now. I’ll go sleep in the guest room.” 

“Thank you.” Stiles whispered knowing that Marcus would hear him. “Night love.”

****

Derek drove out of Beacon Hills without looking back. He knew that if he glanced back he would turn around and tell Stiles how he felt, Marcus, be damned. Some consequences were worth it but Derek refused to do that to his pack and to Stiles. He wasn’t that type of person. He had already put them through enough emotionally through the years and they had come so far as a pack that they deserved the best. 

His mother would have Derek by the ear if she knew how he was running his pack, Satomi too if she hadn’t passed two years ago. Derek felt the shame and guilt over his actions but cut it off before it spread too far down the pack bonds. He knew that they were feeling miserable, he didn’t want to add his misery on top of theirs. Whoever said that misery loved company was a damn lie. He’d keep his to himself just fine.

“Hey Jerry,” Derek said into the cellphone pressed against his ear. He hadn’t noticed that he’d picked up his phone dialed the Salvatore alpha.

“Hey Derek, what can I do you for?”

“I…um…I’m coming in early.”

"How early? Before breakfast early or…” Jerry replied.

“As in now early.” Derek huffed out.

“Is everything alright son?” Jerry said, the alertness strong in his voice, “Did something happen?”

“No. Yes. I…just needed to leave. Is it okay that I come or should I get a hotel room?” Derek replied. He refused to speak about what happened until he had time to process everything. He had gotten better at talking more and being open over the last few years; though sometimes he still had to process information before he could reply. It frustrated Lydia to no end, with his sudden hesitation, to stop in the middle of a conversation to think.

“Take your time. We will get you situated when you arrive.” Jerry said before hanging up.

Derek really liked Jerry. Like himself, Jerry was a man of few words. He respected just how much conversation Derek could handle at any given time and Derek appreciated that.  
Derek found his thoughts had returned back to the guy that they encountered in the clearing. He let the situation play over and over in his head as he tried to understand what happened. Just who was this guy? Why was the guy passing through, he obviously had the power to teleport, why not just do that then cross over into his territory? And what did he mean about giving him and Stiles a gift? Did Jenkins pack send someone to spy on them after he turned down the opportunity to mate with their daughter? Too many questions and not enough answers were taking a toll on Derek’s already intense headache. The pain in his chest only second to the pain behind his eyes. He’d be grateful once he reached his destination so that he could lay down and forget all about today’s happenings. He hoped that with rest he’d feel better in the morning.

***

Derek reached the Salvatore pack two hours after he left Beacon Hills. The countryside of the packs' territory in Oregon was beautiful even in the night time. He’d enjoyed the drive up last time he came to meet with the pack. It was one of the things he talked about with Marissa. The conversation just flowed between them and that’s what drew his attention to her. She engaged him often, didn’t fuss or complain when he had to gather his thoughts and let him be quiet when he needed. It seemed too easy to talk to her. There was something about her that captivated him. It took him a while for him to notice it. He was blindsided when she turned towards him one morning, the sun hitting her face just right.  
When Derek looked into her eyes he was reminded of the whiskey that his dad drank when he was little. It was warm and inviting. Her eyes drew you and demanded his attention. It didn’t get pass Derek that the color was so close to the warm amber of Stiles’ eyes. No, it made it that much harder to turn his attention away from her. He only hoped that his pack wouldn’t notice the resemblance. 

Derek opened the driver door to the Camaro and retrieved his bag from the backseat. He took a deep breath to let the tension fall away from his shoulders. There was no place for past pain to cloud his future. Derek had to get over Stiles and the sooner the better. Marissa deserved all of him and that’s just what he was going to give her. He was more than a shell of past loves and broken hearts. 

Derek looked up when he heard his name called from the front porch. Marissa was standing in the doorway to the pack house smiling as she gave him a quick wave. He raised his hand in response, trying to be cordial despite the headache that he felt bloom the further he was away from his pack. 

“Hey there. Jerry told me that you were coming early so I went ahead and got the cabin ready for you.”

“Thank you Marissa.” He replied, voiced clipped by the tension in his head. Derek hoped that he didn’t come across as rude. He didn’t want their courting to start out on the wrong foot. Every action he took from now until the end would be looked at as how he intended to provide for her. Derek desperately wanted to say more but the headache just wouldn’t let up and honestly, he was tired.

“Follow me and I know the way.” Marissa said as she turned away from him.

Derek barked out a laugh, “Did you just quote a meme?”

Marissa just shrugged her shoulder and continued walking. Derek noticed that she didn’t take them towards the house where he stayed the last time he was here. Instead, they walked around the side of the house that lead to a small trail. It wasn’t well worn yet but it did wind its way through the woods.

“Was this trail here last time I visited?” Derek asked to break the tension that he could feel build between them. Anticipation would have been a better word, but right now it just felt like pressure.

“Yes. Some of the pack like to keep to themselves but don’t want to live away from the big house. So we build small homes for them so that they can have their privacy and be close to home. We like to call it sanctuary.” Marissa went on to tell him that they had just finished a couple of smaller cabins for guests that were passing through or if there wasn’t room in the big house for them to stay. 

They stopped in front of what Derek would consider to be a tiny home of about 300 square feet. He could make out the siding of the A-framed cabin. He’d have to check it out in the morning once his headache subsided. There was a small porch that would be perfect for his morning coffee. 

“Don’t worry Derek,” Marissa said, “All homes have running water and an inside bathroom.” When she turned around she laughed when she saw the way Derek looked at the house. “We’re wolves, not cavemen. Come on, let me show you around.”

They entered the cabin and Marissa turned on the lights. Derek looked around and noticed that there was a large bed against the far wall. A small hallway to the left of the bed where he figured where he figured that bathroom was located. Closer to where he stood there was a loveseat and a small television. On the right was a small kitchenette and refrigerator. All in all, it wasn’t a bad place to stay while he was courting Marissa. 

“The house is semi soundproofed. It’s enough to dampen the sounds of more intimate situations,” Marissa said with a blush. Her eyes took in Derek’s body before she continued, “but not enough that others couldn’t hear a yell for help or a fight.” 

“Whose idea was it to set these up?” Derek said to allow the conversation to flow. 

“It was mine. The pack kept growing and we didn’t have enough space in the big house for everyone. Some would go out and buy tents to sleep in. I wanted my pack mates to comfortable so I spoke with Jerry. Now there are four of these smaller ones for couples or singles. We also have three that are larger for families.”

“Maybe you could help me do something like this back in Beacon Hills,” Derek said as he gently squeezed her arm. “I don’t see my pack leaving anytime soon and there are already talks of children between Scott, Allison, and Isaac. They may want to have their own space with the kids, not that I would mind if they stayed at the house. It would be nice.”

“You really like children, don’t you?”

“Wh…why would you say that?” Derek fumbled over his words. If he was paying attention he would have been able to hear as his increased heartbeat. He didn’t want Marissa to think that was the only reason he was here to court her. It was part of the reason but he also liked Marissa. She was nice and he could do with nice. It wasn’t until he heard her chuckle that he was able to sigh in relief.

“Calm down you. I asked because you light up when you speak about children. I’ve noticed it before, that’s all. It’s cute.” Marissa replied. A small smile graced her lips before she continued. “I’ll let you get situated. I could bring you some food from the big house if you wanted or you could use the kitchenette. It’s fully stocked.”

“That won’t be necessary. I’ll find something here to eat. I don’t want to put you out more than I’ve already have by coming early.”

“Nonsense, we’re happy to have you here. I’m happy that you’re here. Breakfast is at 8, come when you’re ready.” Marissa departed after placing a chaste kiss to his cheek. Blush high on her cheeks.

Derek waited until he couldn’t hear her anymore and fell face first onto the bed. He groaned when his face hit the pillow. The small pounding in the back of his eyes had not let up nor the one in his chest. He hoped that falling asleep would go a long way to making it all go away.

****

Stiles woke with his face shoved in curly blonde hair, a heavy arm wrapped around his stomach, and something poking him in his thigh. He long lost inopportune boners freshman year of college, when the pack became much closer, after about the tenth puppy pile. But it seemed like Jackson didn’t get that memo.

“Dude, you’re poking me,” Stiles mumbled which caused Erica to giggle snort. “This is why we keep you on the outside.”

“Shut up Stilinski. Go back to sleep.” Jackson said as he scooted closer to Stiles, once again snoring into his neck.  
Stiles groaned and pushed Jackson back with his magic. He heard the wolf’s growl as it turned into a hiss as his kanima attributes slid into place. Stiles chuckled and slid his way out of the middle.

“Breakfast in twenty, pups, get your asses up.” Stiles sang on his way out the room. He didn’t have to look over his shoulder to know that his departure was met with half full sentences and one finger salutes.

Stiles made his way into the kitchen and found Isaac and Lydia having an intense whispered conversation. Their hands were flying all over and he could see that they were pissed about something. He wanted to see how long it would go on before they noticed him standing there but decided against it and walked over to the fridge.

“You guys want breakfast?”

Lydia’s head snapped towards him, “Sure. Need help?”

“I can make the pancakes.” Isaac offered as he walked away from Lydia.

“Okay.” They worked in silence. Neither of them mentioned what Stiles had walked in on. And honestly, Stiles didn’t care at the moment. The herb he took last night did nothing to kill the headache or the pain in his stomach. Soon the room filled with the smells of cooked bacon, sausage, pancakes, and waffles. 

The first person that made it into the kitchen was Boyd. He waved to the room at large and grabbed the juice from the fridge and enough cups from the cabinets. He stopped by Lydia and placed his head on top of hers as not to disrupt her as she cut up fruit.

Stiles hadn’t noticed when everyone else started trickling in. His mind too focused on the pancakes and waffles he was in charge of. When he dropped the last one on the plate, Erica swooped in and grabbed the plates to take them toward the table. Stiles turned around and saw that everyone was seated at the table including Marcus. Only two chairs were empty. The one that he usually sat in and Derek’s. Stiles noticed that he wasn’t the only one that looked at Derek’s empty chair. He missed his alpha too. He hadn’t been around much with his dad being hurt and planning the wedding. Now Stiles wished that he had spent more time with the pack. Maybe then they would have told him about Oregon and it would not have blindsided him so hard.

He could remember the anger in his alpha’s eyes when he mentioned it. But the anger wasn’t as bad as the hurt that filled them. Stiles had always been the one to decipher Derek’s moods and nonverbal cues. It made it easier to challenge and push the alpha to do better, to be better. It was never an issue between them. It’s what mates did. They challenged each other or so he thought. 

A sharp pain pulled at his solar plexus when he thought of Derek and the way that he held him that night. His alpha’s strong arms wrapped around him, his face buried in his knew, as he dropped kiss after kiss where his neck met his shoulder. Stiles waited so patiently to hear Derek ask him to be his mate, to bite the area he continued to trace, to make them one and put them both out of their misery, but the words never came. Stiles clutched at his stomach when he felt a sharp tugging feeling that caused him to stumble into the island.

“Stiles!” Jackson shouted as he jumped up from his chair. “What happened?”

“Nothing, just me being my clumsy self.” Stiles panted. The pain returning back to a more manageable level.

“You haven’t been clumsy since you played lacrosse in undergrad,” Lydia said from behind Jackson. When had she gotten up? 

“Plus you smell like pain,” Jackson added as he helped Stiles over to the table. He placed Stiles in the chair to the right of where Derek usually sat. It where he usually sat. Where the alpha mate would sit. Now Stiles would have to find a new chair to sit in. Maybe they were really expecting him to leave and were going to fill his place in the pack. Were they going to bring in another emissary too? When Stiles realized that he would no longer have a place in the pack, he was hit with another sharp pain in his stomach. What the hell was wrong with him, he knew that he was being sentimental but damn this shit had to stop.

“Stiles, do we need to take you to the hospital?” Allison said further down the table. “We could call Melissa or Deaton over to check you out.”

“No. I’m fine. Let’s just eat and I’ll go lay down. It’s probably just a side effect from what happened yesterday.” Stiles said as he waved them off hoping that they would ignore it like he tried to. 

“Speaking of, what did happen yesterday?” Erica said, chair opposite of Stiles'. No not Stiles' chair; the alpha mates future chair.

“I heard the howl and went to go look for Derek.” Stiles gritted out when another sharp pain hit him. “There was a guy standing in the middle of the clearing and your alpha asked him to leave. I made a joke about Hale land being private property and that caught the dude’s attention. Next thing I knew he was speaking in riddles and I woke up looking at you guys.”

He knew that no one heard the lie and he hated when he had to lie to the pack. Stiles had mastered lying to werewolves after his fallout with Scott. He didn’t want to be that vulnerable again, to open himself up to ridicule, not when his best friend didn’t trust him when he needed him the most. Stiles’ heart couldn’t take the mistrust again. While that was years ago, it still held true. 

Stiles’ could lie while he looked a wolf right in the eye. It’s what made him a great emissary to his pack. Stiles could talk circles around people who didn’t know him. Those who didn’t know him did not know his tells. The pack could guess when he wasn’t being truthful but there were only two people who could call him on his bullshit. One was Lydia and the other Derek. They both knew him inside and out. He didn’t have to try and be vulnerable with them. They accepted every part of him. They were scared of him, not like Scott was when he had to do something that was immoral. They loved and respected him regardless of the fact. 

Another thing that Stiles could do was hide his chemo signals by channeling his spark to one of the tattoos on his arm. Which is what he did before the rest would notice that he wasn’t alright. He hoped that everyone would move on with their breakfast but if the twin looks on Jackson and Lydia’s faces said anything he knew otherwise.  
“I’m fine. Promise. Let’s just eat.” Stiles felt Marcus place his hand on the nape of his neck. The pain in his stomach eased a bit as Marcus pulled it from his body. Stiles sagged in relief and mouthed “thank you” to him before he tucked into his breakfast.


	3. Chapter 3

Derek made his way towards the big house before the sun rose. The land that surrounded the territory was peaceful. Derek could hear the call of the birds and the whispers of owls as they headed to bed. This place was absolutely beautiful but it wasn’t home. He walked through the back door of the big house and stepped into the kitchen to find Marisol, Jerry’s mate, with a couple of other wolves making breakfast. Derek knew that their pack was large and thus it took a lot to just prepare one meal. 

“Can I help?” Derek asked as he closed the door behind him. He bypassed the other wolves that sat at the bar peeling potatoes to greet Marisol. 

“No need Alpha Hale. There’s coffee if you want to wait for Jerry to come down. We work like a well-oiled machine around here in the mornings.” Marisol said as she flipped multiple waffle makers over. They only had two back home. If Marissa liked waffles he’d look into getting another one. He wanted to make sure that he provided for her as well as his pack. “Don’t be surprised if Jerry asked you to go hunt for tonight’s dinner.”

Derek chuckled as he grabbed one of the coffee cups off of the counter and placed two large scoops of sugar into the black liquid. Not many people knew he liked sweets outside of the pack or how he liked his coffee. Any time Isaac tried to make it, he put in way too much sugar. There was only one person that knew how he liked his coffee. He was pleasantly surprised when Stiles was the first one to figure it out.

“Fu—,” Derek cut the swear word off when he remembered that Marisol was in the kitchen. He clutched at his head, as he bent over the counter, where his coffee stood.

“Derek! Are you alright?” Marisol said as she placed a hand on his shoulder.

“Yes. I have a headache that won’t seem to go away.”

“Did you sleep well? Maybe Eurus could make you something to help.”

“As best I could. And don’t worry I’m sure it will go away on its own after breakfast.”

“Nonsense. It would be our pleasure to help. I know that the cabin doesn’t smell like pack right now, though, maybe by the time you get back to your cabin your scent will help soothe you too.”

“Thank you, Marisol. I appreciate it.” Derek grabbed his coffee and made his way over the small breakfast nook situated next to a large bay window. The window overlooked the back of the property and had a view of snowcapped mountains. 

The throbbing decreased to a dull ache as Derek tried to clear his mind. He let the welcoming sounds over everyone that moved around the kitchen drown out the images that reminded him of his dreams from last night. Flashes of memories had no place here.

Derek was jostled out of his thoughts thankfully when Marisol placed a plate piled high with fruit in front of him.

“Thank you, Marisol, but I can wait for everyone.”

“Who said that this plate is for you?” Marisol teased.

Derek looked shocked but smiled when he saw Marisol sitting down. She had such an easy demeanor that it was hard to refuse anything that she offered. People wanted to take care of her and listen to any advice that she gave. She made a perfect alpha mate. She reminded him of his dad. Carefree and easy going. 

“Mijo, eat with me. The others can handle the food.”

Marisol waited until he’d selected what he wanted before taking some for herself as protocol dictated. The Salvatore’s where strict on rituals and traditions. Derek also knew that it would only last for the first day that he was there. If they weren’t allies then protocol would dictate that visiting alpha received the first rations followed by their mate. Which is why Marissa left so quickly when he arrived last night. It wasn’t proper to spend so long in someone’s private space without a clear invitation. Wolves were vulnerable when they slept and thus not everyone was allowed in their rooms.

“What’s on your mind, Alpha Hale? You seem worried.” Marisol said as her eyes bore into his before she looked away. Derek knew that she didn’t want to challenge him with constant eye contact. She looked away because she saw too much. 

“Sorry,” Derek said with a small smile. “Just thinking about a few things.”

“Derek, can I ask you something; not as the alpha’s mate but as a friend?”

Derek nodded his head in response, “Sure.”

Marisol reached over and grabbed his hands and placed them in her before she asked, “Are you sure that this is what you want to do?”

Derek found that he couldn’t come up with an answer that would suffice. He wanted to say yes, knew that he should say yes, but just the thought of saying it caused his throat to burn. He wanted to shout at people to leave him alone with his decision. First, it was his pack that questioned him at every turn about courting Marissa. Now, it was Marisol.

Derek was tired of having to explain himself, so yes, this is what he wanted. He wanted a mate and he wanted his damn cubs. He could not understand why the people in his life continued to question him. Instead of an answer, Derek looked into her eyes and nodded.

They let the conversation drop between them and continued to eat the food that Marisol brought over. Jerry and the rest of the pack soon filtered into the spaciously large kitchen. Derek watched as Jerry wound his way through the pack lightly scent marking each one as he made his way over to his mate. He could see each pack member relax in turn. Every pack member that Jerry touched provided a little strength to their alpha and vice versa.

It reminded Derek of him and his pack. The way that they would lean into each other seeking comfort from their pack mates and from him. It was a surprise the first time that each one sought him out to feel that comfort. Derek back then wasn’t very affectionate, they knew it, but yet, they were there, to provide and receive comfort. Only it felt hadn’t felt the same for a while now. The comfort while freely given start to be hesitant, not with each other, but with him. If Derek was honest, he missed it, them, and he was touch starved. And if Derek was being honest, it wasn’t the touch of his pack that cause the starvation. It was the lingering touch of distractingly long fingers that he missed and if he was honest there was something missing in their pack. A seem that slowly opened and frayed from its place in the pack that caused a Stiles shaped hole in the very fabric.

“Shi--,” Derek winced as he cut off the word. He did not want to offend the alpha couple in his presence. He placed his hand over his left eye to try to relieve some pressure. The pain behind his eye had been a dull ache since he sat down, it was manageable, until now.

“Everything alright over there?” Jerry raised an inquisitive brow in his direction.

“It’s fine. Just a headache.” Derek muttered. He didn’t want to let on just how much it hurt. Jerry could scent it of course, but it would be rude to acknowledge it. 

“The same one from earlier?” Marisol voiced and damn her for being so caring. “Eurus, can you get him something to help?”

Derek stopped paying attention to them as he tried to get the pain under control. He had not noticed that the room was empty until someone had placed a cup of tea in front of him. The awful smell caught his attention. It smelled exactly like something Stiles would make when one of the pack wasn’t feeling well. A cup full of unknown herbs that tasted like ash. Tasted like the burnt wood of a hollowed out home reduced to nothing but ash, bones of his family that dusted the floor of the basement, laughter filling the halls; an echo of a memory long forgotten. Derek had refused to take it the first time Stiles made it for him. No one knew why he detested the tea. It was one memory that he refused to share. One memory that was his to bear.

“Here you go, Alpha Hale. This will help.” Eurus, Jerry’s emissary, said as she removed her hand from the cup. “Let me know if you need more.”

Derek did not have a chance to thank her as she left as silently as she came. He wouldn’t tell her about the ash. About the taste of guilt that came from drinking this thing. This thing that tasted like Kate’s lips as she whispered what she had done while riding him. How she had laughed when he tried to struggle away from her when he felt every single bond rip from his chest. His wolf howling for his pack, he had begged her to kill him, begged her to just end him, but she just laughed. Kate laughed as she got dressed and she laughed when she left him in the hotel while pain ripped through his soul.

Laura had found him there. She had tracked him down and hugged him before he knew someone was in the room. She took him from that room that night and never mentioned the scents in the room or the wounds that bleed from his chest. She was his sister and his alpha and that’s all that mattered at that moment.

Derek blinked and reached for the tea. He’d rather have the memories over with than to stay in the past one more second. Derek couldn’t meet Jerry’s eyes after the thoughts he just had. They were demons that were better left dead.

“Jerry, please thank Eurus for me,” Derek asked after he’d downed the tea.

“I’ll tell her,” Marisol said as she raised out of the chair and headed out of the kitchen.

~0~

It had been six weeks since Derek left to the pack in Oregon. In that amount of time, Stiles found himself going crazy. The weight of the wedding weighed him along with taking care of the pack in absence of their alpha. The pack talked to Derek every day, but he never asked to speak to Stiles and he never requested to speak to Derek. If the pack found it odd, they never said anything to him about it. Erica would drop hints of what was happening with the courting.

It was like they could see how much Stiles missed that bastard. He loved his pack but the last thing he wanted to hear about was how great Marissa was and how she couldn’t wait to come to meet the pack. Stiles wondered if this was how Derek felt when he met Marcus, but Stiles didn’t think Derek actually cared; not after he left Stiles to wake in his bed alone. 

Stiles remembered that morning if horrible detail. He’d woken with a smile on his face and groaned as he stretched out his sore muscles. He’d felt thoroughly debauched. He looked around the loft for Derek to go another round, but all that he was met with was silence. There was a note on Derek’s pillow that said it was a mistake and he could not, would not touch Stiles anymore. 

Stiles pushed the memory out of his mind. He had other things to concentrate on, like how he found it increasingly difficult to get out of bed every morning. No matter what he did, his herbs and his magic did nothing to quell the constant pain that he felt. When he couldn’t find anything to help he’s enlisted Lydia’s help. She had just left after she borrowed a couple of books to see if she could find anything to help him move. 

The pain wasn’t unbearable because the pack became pain leaches after Marcus had left to handle something back home. Stiles had forbidden them from reaching out and calling Derek. He wouldn’t interrupt Derek’s courting to come back and home to do nothing. There was nothing for him to fix. Derek needed to be happy and Stiles would not take that from him.

“Hey Batman, how are you feeling?” Erica said. Her voice pulled him out of his tortured thoughts.

“Like shit.” 

“Want me to help?”

“Nah, it's fine.”

Erica moved further into the room and laid down next to him. “You need a bath.”

“You don’t say,” Stiles replied, “I haven’t left the room in three days.”

“There’s no need to be sassy, leave that to Jackson.”

Stiles laughed and clutched his stomach. An acute pain that caused him to bend slightly.

“Sorry.” Erica said sheepishly, “I just wanted to make you smile.”

“It’s okay.”

“We should do big pack cuddles. That always helps the wolves and since you’ve tried every human and magical way, let the wolves try to help.”

“Sure, why not, I’d do anything at this point.”

“Great!” Erica said after she pressed her lips against his cheeks. “But shower first.”

“Because your noses are more important than my health. I feel so abused.”

“If you don’t want to take a shower, I could always give you a sponge bath.” He didn’t have to even be facing her to know the predator leer that she had on her face. 

“No, absolutely not.”

“Spoilsport.”

“Just get me to the bathroom in one piece, woman, I can take it from there.”

Erica helped him to the bathroom down the hall. When Stiles shut the door behind her he saw himself in the mirror. It wasn’t until now that the looks on the packs faces made sense. He looked like shit. His eyes were sunken in, he skin no longer contained a pink flush and his freckles looked like he had leprosy. Why no one had said anything was beyond him.

He refused to look at himself any longer and hobbled over to the shower. Stiles stood under the warm stream of water while it beat against his muscles. He may look like shit but at least he didn’t feel quite as bad. When he was done, he found a stack of clothes of the edge of the sink. He mumbled a thank you as he knew that whoever brought the clothes would hear him.

Feeling a little better than he had in days, and that was saying something, he shuffled back to his room. What he had not expected to see was Boyd and Isaac waiting for him.

“Cuddle party of two? I thought this was mandatory pack cuddles.”

“It is. Just not here.”

Stiles looked at them surprised. “Okay, the den it is. Lead on.”

“Nope, not there either.”

“Well, I know that you aren’t taking me to my dad’s.”

“Non.”

Stiles stared at them until it dawned on him the location of the only place besides the den that would be big enough for the whole pack to cuddle. 

“No. No. No way. I am not going. Move and let me get back in bed.”

“Stiles,” Isaac whined.

“No Isaac. Those puppy eyes don’t work on me and you know it.”

Stiles moved to push past them when he let out a yelp as he was lifted into the air. He hadn’t noticed that Jackson was behind him as he was so focused on Boyd and Isaac. “You guys set this up, didn’t you? Ugh, you guys are so annoying. You will all rue the day that I get better. I’m going zap all of your asses and you won’t know what hit you. You are going to be so sorry.”

While Jackson carried him to their destination, he heard twin growls behind them. Stiles smiled, he may not have much energy but he could still shock them. He chuckled into Jackson’s neck, “I’d zap you too but you’re carrying me.”

“How thoughtful,” Jackson drawled before he tossed Stiles into the center of the bed.

“Jackson!” Lydia and Allison said at the same time, both of them in different states of dress.

“What? He zapped Boyd and Isaac. You both know that you would have done the same.” Jackson said from beside the bed. Stiles could see him taking off his shoes and pants.  
Thankfully he had his underwear on. Jackson caught his gaze, “Having a good look Stiles?”

“Asshole,” Stiles mumbled and then he noticed the rest of the pack had done the same thing. It was a wolf thing, mostly. The more skin contact there was the better the wolf healed. “Ugh, fine. Fine! It looks like we are doing this.” Stiles huffed as he shrugged out of his shirt and pants. He tried not to think about the last time he was in this state of dress in Derek’s bed. They had used the brand new den at the Hale house to cuddle and heal together. There was an unspoken rule that no one laid in the alpha’s bed unless he allowed you to. Everyone else had no such rule with their own beds. Just Derek. 

Erica slid in the large bed behind him while Lydia took his front. Isaac, Allison, and Scott laid across the end of the bed with their hands on Stiles’ ankles. Boyd and Jackson were behind the girls with their arms draped across them to touch Stiles’ hips. He’d be a liar if he said that he didn’t miss his pack while he was at Berkley. Marcus’ pack was amazing and Stiles truly cared about them; they just could not replace his pack.

“You have to tell them, Stiles,” whispered Lydia. She may have been looking at him but he knew that the others listened. He did not want to do this right now. 

“What about Marcus, Lyds?” Stiles whispered back as a tear rolled down his face. Stiles did not want to face this truth. He had pressed it down as far as he could. He absently rubbed the tattoo at the base of his neck. He knew exactly what the crescent moon tattoo covered up, as did Lydia. He could already feel his magic start to return and his breathing even out by just being in this room.

“He’d find out sooner or later and you know it. He deserves to know what he’s getting into. Especially since you want him to be in this pack.” 

“I never expected to be engaged Lyds. It would be so much easier to just changes packs.” Stiles sighed. He heard all the wolves whine. There was no use to pretend that they weren’t affected by his decision anymore. That Marcus wouldn’t be affected. Stiles wanted so bad to will it away, but that’s not how magic worked. There are some things that can’t be forgotten or broken.

“It would be.”

“But I won’t”

“You won’t.” 

Stiles sighed and closed his eyes. How could he tell his pack when he barely acknowledged it on most days. He continued to rub at the tattoo. It was a habit that he tried to stop. Everyone followed his motions and eyed the tattoo under Stiles’ fingers. Hell, he never told Marcus what this tattoo meant, stating that some things were better off left unknown. Marcus had continued to guess until he had guessed that it had to do with magic and Stiles never corrected him. Stiles also never let Marcus touch or kiss this particular tattoo like he like he loved to do with the other tattoos that decorated his body.

Stiles scooted up until his back was against the headboard. This position allowed him to see his pack and to collect his thoughts. He met with each of their eyes in turn before focusing on Lydia’s. She placed a gentle hand on his wrist as silent encouragement. 

“Just tell them as you told me.” She urged.

Stiles took in a deep breath and nodded. He knew that telling them would change everything. His future in the pack, his relationship with them, everything if he gave it a voice. He’d rather die with the secret than share it. 

“First,” He said to the group, “I need everyone’s vow to not say anything. Like at all. That you tell no one including your Alpha, Marcus, or anyone else that is not in this room. Do not discuss this at all. I will answer one question from each of you regarding this. That’s it. Do not go to Lydia for answers. Do you understand?” Stiles waited until he had an agreement from each of the pack before he continued. “This isn’t the same as keeping my sickness from Derek and I thank you that you haven’t said anything to him. But this… this… I don’t have the words how angry it would make me if you told him. Do you get that?” Stiles looked at each member of his pack, in turn, watched as they each one nodded their acquiescence. He could see that the color had returned to his hands and legs. He hated to admit that Lydia was right and he couldn’t keep his pack in the dark any longer.

“I’m partially mated...” Stiles started.

“Yeah, we know,” Erica said quietly as if it hurt her to say the words, " You’re marrying Marcus."

Stiles winced at the reminder. The gold ring on his finger sat like a weight heavy with painful memories. “No, not to Marcus.”

Silence hung between them. Stiles could see the question in their eyes but no one voiced it. He so hoped that they wouldn't. He’s almost missed it when Boyd asked, “Then who?”

Stiles closed his eyes and replied, “Derek.”


	4. Chapter 4

In the seven weeks that he had been with the Salvatore pack, Derek found that he really liked Marissa. She was funny, kind, smart and giving. She helped him through his headache the first week he was there. She sat with him on the porch of the cabin and respected his request to not to have her inside yet. Not once had she complained, gotten angry, or pushed him away. Marissa sat with him and held his hand going as fast or slow as he needed. It made the pain in his chest that much lighter. It didn’t hurt as much when he thought about his pack or Stiles. Yes, his wolf cried, but Derek chalked it up to being without his pack. No matter how much Derek like the Salvatore pack, he missed his own.

In the second week, Derek felt his headache slip into something manageable without needing Eurus’ tea. Derek had never been so grateful, as he was the last day he tasted the memory of his family’s death. The first day he left the cabin, Derek asked Marissa if she wanted to go on a hike. He knew this was their first date and he wanted it to be special. Derek spoke with Jerry the night before and had somethings brought to the cabin. Derek packed the items into the pack that he would carry. 

Derek knew Jerry’s territory was beautiful but he had no idea just how much of it had dense lush forestry. His wolf howled at the beauty despite the constant pain that had settled in Derek’s chest. Marissa had taken them down one of the many trails that surround the big house. This path was less worn than the others, and he suspected that this was Marissa’s favorite.

The hike had allowed Derek to ask Marissa more intimate questions while they were away from her pack. There were no little ears to overhear their conversation. It was so easy to be open with her and Derek could honestly say that Marissa was perfect. When they reached the topic about cubs, he was surprised when she said that she wanted more than a few cubs, and wanted to get started soon. There was no one to blame but himself, when Derek kissed her at the top of the trail. He had forgotten all about his pack and his intent to woo her after that. It was a chaste kiss but her blush was worth much more. It was like he’d found a breath of fresh air after being submerged under water. This was nothing like when Stiles held him up in the pool, that was for survival, this was… well, it was for hope, and Derek hadn’t allowed himself to hope in a long time.

They held hands as they walked back towards the cabin. They continued to talk about life and all of its many mysteries. Neither of them complained when they stopped and kissed every few feet. For the first time in a long while, Derek found himself happy, and he enjoyed the feeling.

Since their first kiss, Derek found himself opening up to Marissa more. He told her about his family and how supportive they were. He talked about Talia, about what it was like having her as a mother and an alpha. He shared things that only his pack knew and some that they didn’t. What he had not talked about where his past relationships. Or Stiles. He wanted their relationship free of his fears and not to taint his future with her if he could help it.

By the third week, Derek invited Marissa over to spend the night in the cabin. They both knew what sharing the bed with the alpha meant. It was a big step in their courting. While they hadn’t had sex that night, it was nonetheless intimate. Derek had felt like a teenager, or what he thought one would feel like when he made out with her for hours on end. If Derek allowed himself to think about the last time he did something like this, he knew that it wouldn’t be Marissa’s lips he felt on his, but a strange man full or freckles and life.

If Derek was honest with himself, he would admit that he missed the intimacy that came as he held someone while they slept. He had long forgotten how much comfort it provided. Don’t get him wrong, Derek loved his pack, but there were some comforts his pack could not provide for him. He had squandered that away with the one person that could and that was his fault. Now he had to deal with the consequences. Though, Derek thought, Marissa would never be a consequence.

***

Derek found himself on the deck behind the big house, with a beer in his hand, as he waited for the full moon. Eurus, Jerry’s emissary, made her own brew that provided a nice buzz to the wolves. He had told Erica as much when he spoke with her last night. Derek had called to check on the pack, but something was different, and he hoped that the territory was safe. It wasn’t that he didn’t trust Erica as his second, but just the week before, everyone fought to get to the phone and update him on what happened in their lives.  
Derek laughed as his pack played hot potato with the phone. The one thing he noticed was that he never spoke to Stiles and Derek never asked after him. 

Last night when he called, he could hear them in the background, but he only one that he talked to was Erica. Before he could ask her what was going on she had made an excuse to get off the phone and hung up. Part of him wanted to call back to demand an answer and the other part just hoped that everything was okay. 

“Why are you frowning?” Marissa asked as she wrapped her arms around his waist. 

“I think something is up with my pack, but they haven’t said anything.”

“I’m sure if they needed you, you’d know.”

“I’m sure you’re right.” Derek pulled her around to his side and placed a kiss on the side of her head. 

“Derek, my man, you running with us tonight?” Jerry called out as he manned the grill.

“You bet your ass I am. I apologize that I couldn’t last time.”

“No problem at all Alpha Hale.” Jerry waved him off with the tongs in his hand.

Derek watched as some of the pack filtered out the house as they carried trays of food to the picnic table set around the yard. Derek had seen them gather around the back yard but he was surprised to see wolves that stayed out in the cabins were in attendance too. 

“They come out for the full moon runs mostly,” Marissa said beside him as she followed Derek’s line of sight.

Derek nodded as he downed his beer and placed a quick kiss to her lips before he went over to see if Jerry needed any help on the grill.

****

Derek hadn’t been this full in a long time. He’d forgotten what it was like to feed a big pack on a full moon. Derek watched as the cubs ran around howling at the moon. Their little heads were thrown back as they laughed and played with one another. The pain in his chest grew heavy at the thought of his own cubs who would one day run around on full moons. Their half-formed howls as they echoed in the preserve made him smile. He envisioned his pack surrounded him and his mate by his side.

Derek hadn’t heard the soft growl that emitted from his throat, but Marissa had. 

“I bet you’re thinking about cubs, aren’t you?” Marissa whispered in his ear. “Probably thinking about your mate’s belly full with your cubs. I bet you can’t wait to bree—“

“Marissa!” Marisol shouted, “Stop teasing Derek, there are cubs present. We want no part of your foreplay.”

“What’s ‘foreplay’ nana?” Jalen said to Marisol as he pulled on her shirt.

If looks could kill, Marissa would be dead, but she was on the ground laughing and hadn’t seen the look Marisol shot her way. Derek shook his head to dispel how right Marissa was. The thought of his mate with a round belly was a turn on. The thought did nothing to ease the pain that weighed down his chest.

Other the past few weeks, Derek had wondered what caused the pain, but he was at a loss. It could be that his wolf wanted cubs as bad as he did, or the separation from his pack, or a great number of things. One saving grace was that he and Marissa had reached the point in their courting that they may end up with cubs sooner rather than later, and Derek only hoped that she was okay with that.

Derek pulled Marissa off of the ground before he kissed her. It wasn’t the first time that he did so in front of her pack but this one wasn’t chaste. His lips glided over hers as if he searched for her soul. Derek heard a moan erupt in her throat, the sound pure music to his ears and he kissed it out of her before the others heard.

Once she caught her breath Marissa said, “Well, Alpha Hale, if I knew that would be the outcome, I would have said that sooner.”

“Marissa!” Marisol yelled, “Come help me wrangle these kids.”

“Coming boss.” She said before she kissed Derek on his cheek.

Derek found that he didn’t have it in him to blush. He wasn’t the only alpha that had a breading kink. Hell, even Jerry had six children with the youngest one was three and the oldest was sixteen. The only reason that they hadn’t had more was that Jerry had to establish his pack first before he and Marisol had their first cub. 

Derek was knocked out of his thoughts when he heard Jerry let out a beautiful howl. The call a melody that demanded to be answered. The canopy of sound around him responded in kind and Derek could not help it when his howl joined theirs. Derek felt as he let his shift come over him as he ran towards the woods.

After a lengthy run, Derek herded Marissa back towards the cabin, as adrenaline pumped through his blood. Thoughts of the kiss they shared earlier had Derek ready for more than a make-out session. He felt as his wolf overcome his human side to try to stop him as he stalked Marissa through the woods. It was the first time Derek had ever felt his wolf this strong since Stiles. His head pounded as the headache came back in full force. The pain in his chest intensified. Derek howled when he rounded on the cabin and saw Marissa run inside. He smiled and licked his fangs. A red haze covered his eyes as Derek stalked inside. His wolf long since ignored. Derek was intent on his pursuit of his mate.

He found Marissa panting, spread eagle on the bed. Her head thrown back with her long neck exposed. Derek locked the door behind him and hoped that the soundproofing installed would enough; he had no intention on being quiet. Derek scented the air and smelled the heady scent of Marissa’s arousal the closer he stalked towards the bed. The scent was intoxicating to Derek’s nose.

He crawled on to the bed, his body positioned over Marissa and stuck his nose into the column of her neck. He wanted to be close to the natural scent of her. He glided his tongue over her pulse point before he kissed her jaw. He felt his wolf rumble in his chest and angry growl on the tip of his tongue. Derek tried to overtake his wolf, to push him down, so he could enjoy the person before him. When the sound he emitted hadn’t subsided, Derek jerked back to apologize to Marissa, when a pain ripped through his stomach. He grabbed his midsection as he doubled over and roared. Derek could hear his wolf as it said ‘no’ over and over again. How it howled that she smelled wrong; that she was not their mate. 

“Derek!” Marissa yelled. “Answer me! Are you alright? What’s wrong?”

Derek could barely hear her past the rushing in his ears. He opened his mount to answer her but he started convulsing on the bed. Derek didn’t know what was happening. He had never felt pain like this. He was confused and unsure of what to do with himself. His body was wracked with pain worse than what he had felt when his family had passed.  
Derek knew that he’d had sex before but the feeling in his body was never this strong and his wolf never resisted before now. The pain in his chest intensified and turned into a pulling sensation. Derek caught himself as he rolled out of bed and fell to his knees. He started to crawl towards the door following the sensation that pulled at his chest. 

Marissa ran towards the door and put her hands up to try to stop him from leaving. “Derek, come on, answer me.”

Derek yowled as the pain became too much, the drag of air no longer filled his lungs and passed out. When Derek came to, he was back on the bed surrounded by Jerry, Marissa, Marisol, and Eurus. The first thing he noticed was the tears in Marissa’s eyes as if she had been crying. Derek opened his mouth to ask her why she was crying when another pulse of pain ripped through him. Derek turned away from the group in time to throw up over the other side of the bed. When he finished, he rolled back up and asked the group if they knew what was going on.

Jerry was the first to speak, “Kid, do you know what happens when an alpha tries to mate with someone who’s not their mate?”

“They--,” Derek stalled as he searched for the answer, “--start to go into a rut. That way they can only want their mate or if they want cubs. It ensures that an alpha can’t force themselves on another.”

Derek saw Jerry nod his head. “Correct, son.”

“But that doesn’t explain why I’m in pain.”

“Doesn’t it.”

Derek opened his mouth to respond but he thought about what Jerry was trying to imply. “Are you trying to say that I’m going through a rut?” He asked as he looked around the room, “I can’t be. I don’t have a mate.”

“Are you sure, mijo?” Marisol asked him as she placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“Yes.” He said before he heard Marissa’s sob. Derek looked over at her when he smelled the tears that fell down her face. Derek gritted through his teeth as another wave of pain rolled through him. “I was planning on mating with Marissa tonight.”

Silence filled the cabin, while no one spoke, more pain rolled through Derek. He felt his wolf howl again and tried to get off the bed when he felt Jerry push him back down. Too weak to fight back, Derek let out a displeased growl.

“Derek, Marissa told us what happened when you two came back from the run,” Eurus said at the foot of the bed. “What you are experiencing, that pain, is you going through your first rut. You already have a mate.”

“No I don’t,” Derek said through clenched teeth.

“You do,” She replied, “You may not have acknowledged them, but you do.”

“Answer me something, Derek,” Jerry said to draw Derek’s attention back to him. “How long has it been since you had sex?”

Derek didn’t want to answer. He was embarrassed, he didn’t want to say since he hadn’t had sex since….

“Five years.” He mumbled. Derek knew that everyone could hear him was the exception of Eurus. He didn’t want to admit his failings to them.

“And did it mean anything to you?” Marissa asked softly. A slight hiccup in her voice.

“It meant… everything.” He said before he could help himself. He didn’t have to look at Marissa to feel her full-blown sobs.

 

~0~

 

Since the day that the pack literally dropped him onto Derek’s bed, Stiles had begun to feel better. The pain in his stomach had eased and the fog in his head had lifted tremendously. Stiles felt so much better that a week later he was back sleeping in his own bed. He was thankful for it because Marcus came back to be with him for the full moon and he refused to explain why he slept in the alpha’s room for over a week. He was also excited because on the next full moon he and Marcus were getting married and he finally had everything planned.

Stiles thought back to the questions that he answered for the pack after he dropped that bombshell last week. He answered why he hadn’t said anything (Jackson); why did he keep it a secret (Erica); what was he going to do (Allison); when was he going to tell Marcus (Isaac); how could he not tell anyone (Scott *eye roll*); would he get better once Derek came back (Boyd). That last question had taken the longest to answer; he honestly didn’t know. After the confession hour, Stiles saw that they needed time to process, and he gladly gave it to them, as he fell into a painless sleep for the first time. He needed time too. He wasn’t going to let the bond stop him from marrying Marcus. Derek made his decision and Stiles was not about to beg him to change his mind, not when Stiles had found someone to spend his life with.

Stiles heard the front door open, while he grabbed snacks from the kitchen, for the movie that the pack had put on. The pain in his stomach had slowly started coming back the day before, but it was easy to ignore if he stopped by Derek’s room ever so often. 

Stiles met Marcus in the hallway and kissed his cheek. “Go put your stuff down and join us in the den,” Stiles said before he continued on his way. The pack was already seated in their spots around the den. Derek’s chair left untouched. 

“I talked to Derek last night,” Erica said when he sat down.

“Okay,” Stiles replied, confused as to why she told him. “You speak with him every night.”

“Yeah, but last night was different. He said that he’d asked Marissa to mate him tonight.”

“Oh,” Stiles said surprised. Unsurprisingly, he couldn’t keep the sadness out of his voice when he said, “Well, that’s good right? It’s what he wanted.”

“Yeah.” Erica said softly, “It is.”

If Marcus felt the tension in the room when he finally joined them, he didn’t say anything. No one spoke and soon after the movie finished, all of the wolves left through the back door and ran towards the woods. Stiles could hear them as the howled in the distance. He and the girls were on the back porch drinking while they waited for them to get back. They had made food for the pack for when they returned. It was a tradition at this point.

“How’s the wedding planning coming,” Allison said, and god bless her for not talking about the week before. “Do you still need help?”

“Not unless you can convince my dad to wear a tie,” Stiles said as he got up to head inside. “Do ya’ll want another drink?” He asked as he made his way towards the back door. He never heard their response. The sound of breaking glass and screams filled his ears. 

“Stiles!” The girls shouted.

Stiles wrapped his arms around himself as he fell on the porch. Broken glass bit into his skin as he cried out in pain. The pain in his stomach turned from blinding pain to something he had never felt before. It was as if his body lit itself on fire and decided to roll in the flames. God, he was hot.

“Ally, call John and Melissa.” Lydia instructed beside Stiles, “Tell them to get over here soon as they can and to bring Deaton with him.” Lydia bent down to steady Stiles, with the other hand she grabbed the dog whistle that hung by the back door. Stiles had done so as a joke, but they soon found that it was helpful when they needed to call the wolves back when the humans were in trouble. Stiles had charmed it to where only the pack could hear the sound, in case there were other wolves who attacked.

When Allison got off the phone, she helped Lydia get Stiles off the ground, both of them surprised by the amount of muscle Stiles carried. Before he was fully off of the ground, Stiles evacuated the contents of his stomach. Jackson was the first to burst through the tree line followed by Erica and Isaac.

“Lydia! Stilesssss,” Jackson said, the last ‘s’ of Stiles’ name hissed, as the kanima leaked through.

“Help get him inside,” Lydia yelled as the group ran up the stairs to the porch.

Isaac was the first to move and picked Stiles up. Stiles screamed as he was moved but his screams soon turned into small needy moans. The pack startled as they watched as Stiles started to writhe in Isaac’s arms. Isaac almost dropped Stiles in surprise.

The pack stilled as they could hear the soft please that came from Stile’ lips. No one knew what to do, so when Marcus came around the group and took Stiles from Isaac’s arms, they let him. Marcus moved through the back door with Stiles in his arms and headed inside. It took a minute for the pack to catch up and rushed inside after them. They rounded the kitchen door the same time that the Sherriff, Melissa, and Deaton ran into the house. 

“Where’s Stiles?”

“Marcus has him. I think he took him to his room.” Scott said who’s word spurred the group into action and ran up the stairs behind John.

When they made it to Stiles’ room, they could hear the whine in Stiles’ voice and he screamed and sobbed at the same time. Deaton was the first to break from the pack and walked into the room. He placed a black bag on the floor beside the bed and reached down to touch Stiles.

“Mr. Stilinski, can you hear me?” Deaton asked as he watched Stiles barely nodded his head, “Good. May I touch you?”

Stiles started to say yes but the fire in his body caused him to convulse and he passed out.

***

When Stiles came to, he noticed his dad and Deaton talking at the end of his bed. The door was closed the pack nowhere to be seen. When they noticed that he was awake, Deaton ushered John and Melissa out the room.

“Mr. Stilinski, we’ll be outside, while you speak to your fiancé.”

When the only person in the room was Marcus, Stiles turned towards him. Marcus placed a damp cloth to Stiles’ forehead. 

“Hey,” Stiles spoke as he smiled weakly, his voice ruff from his screams.

“Hi,” Marcus said with a sad smile.

“What happened?” Stiles said his body shuddered. “Did Deaton say anything?”

“Yes.”

“What’s wrong with me?”

Stiles watched as emotions played across Marcus’ face as one finally settled into place. Stiles was taken aback when anger was the only emotion that stayed.

“You’re in heat.” Marcus spat.

“I’m WHAT?!?” Stiles yelled.

“Heat,” Marcus repeated like his tongue was made of ice and his mouth was full of venom.

“How? I’m human, I can’t go into heat. I know, I researched it. Like extensively.”

“I… I’ll let Deaton tell you all of that. It’s no longer my place to care but before I go I have to ask you,” Marcus said as he gathered his things from around Stiles’ room, “Did you know?”

“Know what?” Stiles asked hesitantly.

“Don’t play stupid Stiles, I deserve better than that!” Marcus yelled. Stiles watched as he ran his fingers through his hair as he tried to compose himself. “Did you fucking know that you’re mated?”

Stiles closed his eyes as another wave rolled through him and a moan escaped his lips. He tried to cut it off, but it was no use, Marcus has heard.

“You are, aren’t you? Of course, you are, you’re laying there moaning like a heat driven whore.”

Stiles winced at the fire in his word. This was not how he wanted Marcus to find out. 

“Yes,” Stiles whispered. “Partially.”

“Who the fuck could you have mated? We’ve been together for two years. We’re fucking engaged. We--” Marcus stopped talking and Stiles watched it dawned on him. “Derek.”

Stiles nodded his head while tears rolled down his face. He refused to meet Marcus’ eyes.

“No wonder you never wanted to change packs. You couldn’t.” Marcus’ voiced raised and he continued, “How dare you, Stiles! How fucking dare you! You should have told me.”

“I know. I know.” Stiles responded. “I never expected to fall in love with someone until you came around. I wanted my chance at happiness bond be dammed.”

“What you wanted was to be selfish Stiles. You lied to me for years! I knew you could be an asshole. I even liked that part of you, but this.” Marcus’ voiced cracked as tears fell,  
“This was low.” 

“I never meant to hurt you. I love you.” Stiles cried out despite the fire that rolled through his veins. “I’m sorry.”

“Save you’re sorry for someone else. I don’t want them, I don’t need them and I don’t want to marry some lying ass knot slut. The wedding is off.” Marcus yelled as slammed the door closed when he walked out of the room.

Stiles tried to get up and follow him. “MARCUS!” Stiles yelled. “Marcus, please! Come back.” 

He had barely made his way over to the door when it opened. He could see the rest of the pack standing in the hall. He sobbed as his legs gave out when he saw their expressions, knew that they had heard everything, and John was there to catch him on his way down. He was grateful for his dad, he always caught him when he fell.


	5. Chapter 5

Stiles felt himself slide to the ground in his father’s arms. The flames continued to burn through him as he yelled for Marcus. His voice carried the hiccups and screams over the calm voice of his father’s. John continued to repeat that everything was okay, that he had him, that he loved him.

“Jesus, kid, what have you done?” John whispered as he held Stiles.

“Dad,” Stiles whimpered, “Why won’t he come back? I love him, dad. I love him…,” Stiles’ words trailed off as the words burned his throat. A needy whine found its way out of his mouth. The pack winced as understanding donned their face that the need for something, someone, to come and take care of him. They wanted to help their pack mate, but they weren’t the one that he needed.

“Let’s get Mr. Stilinski back on the bed,” Deaton said from above them.

Stiles felt it when Boyd picked him up off the ground. The warm hold of Boyd's arms did nothing to stave the fire that burned in his belly. His body rolled towards Boyd as it sought relief. Stiles was just as surprised as Boyd by his actions. Intuitively Stiles knew that it wasn’t Boyd that he needed.

“Stiles, you have to stop.”

“I can’t. I need… I need Marcus to come back.”

“Stiles, it’s not Marcus that you need and you know it.”

Stiles stilled, despite the need to rub himself along Boyd, while he tried to reach that delectable scent that came from him. Stiles’ had caught bare hints of it in Boyd clothes before he was lowered to the bed.

“You smell so good. Come back here.” Stiles gasped as he reached for Boyd.

“Stiles!” Lydia called from the door. “Stop being stupid. You know exactly what this is.”

“I’m in heat Lydia. Why am I in heat? Deaton explain. Explain why I’m in heat.” Stiles’ voiced raised by the time he’d finished speaking.

“It’s simple, Mr. Stilinski, you’re an alpha mate.”

“Like hell I am! Derek doesn’t want me. He’s in Oregon courting someone else.” Stiles said quietly. “He doesn’t want me. Don’t you get that? He didn’t want me then and he damn sure doesn’t want me now.”

“That may be true, but that does not change the facts.”

“It changes everything, Deaton! Can’t you see that?” Stiles yelled. “Now, that that’s settled, someone go get my fiancé.”

No one moved while Stiles sobbed into his pillow. His tears hung suspended in the air between them. No one moved, no one said anything while they watched their pack mate wither on the bed. Small aborted movements that caused Stiles to moan out in agony.

John moved next to Stiles’ bed and bent down to be eye level with his son. “Stiles, he’s gone,” John said. “He’s not coming back.”

To the group, he said, “We have to do something. I can’t keep seeing him like this.”

“I may have something that could keep the heat away for a bit until we can get a hold to Derek.” Deaton said as he looked into his bag, “But it’s not going to last long. He’ll still be in pain until the alpha returns, but it will help with some of the more… unpleasant side effects.”

Stiles’ heard what Deaton said and moved to get off the bed, “No! No one calls him. I can handle this. He deserves to be happy.” Stiles cried out. “I’ll be okay.”

“God, they’re both idiots.” Jackson expressed. “I don’t care, Stiles, I’m fucking calling him.” Before Stiles could say anything, Jackson had already left the room. 

“He’s right Stiles and you know it. Don’t do this to yourself, Batman.” Erica told Stiles.

“In the meantime, why don’t we get Stiles into something more comfortable and move him to Derek’s room.”

Stiles felt numb. He didn’t know what to do. He could feel himself start to get hard and he hated that his body was doing it without his permission. He’d lost his fiancé in the worst way and there was no coming back from that. He thought Derek leaving him the next day was hard. This felt like his heart was ripped out and smashed into a million pieces. It was already bruised and battered but not yet destroyed. Stiles didn’t know if he could come back from this.

***

Deaton had handed Stiles a glass of tea that smelled like the ocean. Calm, salty, and full of power. Stiles downed the cup without a second thought. He was embarrassed by the fact that despite being in Derek’s bed, his hips still made aborted movements, body moving into the mattress. 

Scott, bless his heart, had grabbed some of Derek’s clothes for Stiles to scent. They did very little to calm him down, but he was grateful all the same. Stiles had made a nest out the clothes and laid in the middle. No one tried to stop him and eventually left him to it. Part of the pack left the room once they saw that Stiles was as comfortable as he could be despite that situation. The girls stayed with him since he hadn’t tried to climb them for sort of satisfaction. Lydia took over towel duties and rubbed the cool rag over his forehead and down his neck.

Stiles tried to sleep under her ministrations at first when the fire smoothed into something more comfortable. With his eyes closed, Stiles found himself in a half-awake state, where he was still cognizant of his surroundings and aware that he was partially asleep. What Stiles wasn’t prepared for, was the onslaught of images and memories that invaded his thoughts. He fought against the invasion as hard as he could, but the memories were stronger.

_Stiles walked up the stairs to the loft, after he had stopped by his dad’s, while he fussed about the broken elevator. He had come home for Spring break and wanted to see the pack. He was the only one that attended UC Berkley and missed his pack. He’d especially missed Derek._

_Stiles thought while he was at Berkley his crush on the alpha would have dissipated while he was away but the distance had only made it harder to not to fall him. Honestly, if you would have told him that when he left that he would talk to Derek more than any of the other people in the pack, he’d laugh. Now he knew that alpha Hale could be a huge Snugglewolf._

_Stiles dated a few people while he was at school, tried to get over his crush, but he found them lacking and constantly compared them to a certain broody werewolf. It had taken a few random hookups before he had figured that out. He soon learned that sex meant nothing to him if he didn’t care about the person._

_Stiles finally reached the top of the stairs to find that the loft door was open._

_“Expecting me, Sourwolf?” He said as he stepped inside._

_“I thought you’d have given up on that by now, Stiles.”_

_“Never.” Stiles laughed as he entered. “You’ll always be my Sourwolf.”_

_Stiles shut the door behind him and walked into the spacious living area. Since they had become a fully functioning pack the loft had evolved into an actual living space. Derek’s bed no longer sat on the ground floor. He’d transformed it into a study area for the rest of the pack._

_Stiles sat in his favorite spot before he kicked his feet onto the coffee table. He was happy to be back home. Not that the loft was home, but it kinda was. Derek approached him with two drinks in his hands and kicked Stiles legs off of the table._

_“Hadn’t college taught you anything?” Derek said as he sat down next to Stiles foregoing his usual spot._

_“Naw, I’ll never have manners when it comes to you.” Stiles joked._

_Derek rolled his eyes. “What do you want Stiles?” He said as he handed one of the drinks over._

_“I can’t come to see my favorite wolf?”_

_“No.” Derek’s eyebrows said before the wolf had spoken._

_“You know you missed me, your eyebrows said so when I came in.”_

_Derek didn’t respond to him. He picked up a book off the table and started reading. Stiles nearly spit out his drink when he looked over at Derek and saw reading glass perched on his nose. He knew that Derek was hot but this put Derek on a whole other level. He had to be careful or any minute Derek would smell exactly what he was thinking. Stiles coughed, reached for the remote, and turned on the TV._

_“Since when do you have Netflix?”_

_“I like to watch TV Stiles,” Derek heaved a sigh, “Of course I have Netflix.”_

_“Sure you do. I bet you Netflix and chill too.” Stiles may have joked, but he was surprised at just how much it hurt to even say it. He wasn’t a virgin anymore but the thought of Derek with someone else hurt more than he thought. He also knew that he was a total hypocrite, but the heart does what the hearts wants. Emotions where weird like that._

_“Just watch the TV Stiles.”_

_“Yes sir, alpha, sir,” Stiles replied as he selected Sherlock and settled into the couch next to Derek. It wasn’t long before sleep found Stiles and he was out like a light._

_Stiles woke when he was picked up by Derek. He started to protest, saying that he could walk to the guest room when the alpha shushed him and told him to go back to sleep. He felt it when he was placed on a bed; he was asleep before his head hit the pillow._

_A full bladder caused him to wake, he tried to move, but there was an arm pinning him down. An arm that shouldn’t be in the guest room. Slowly he lifted the alpha’s arm and rolled out the bed. He didn’t have time to question why he was in Derek’s room. When he came back from the bathroom, he looked at the clock and noticed that it was only eleven. He knew that he was too tired to drive back over to his dad’s. So he took off his clothes and climbed back into the bed. It wasn’t the first time that he’d laid in bed with a packmate in only his boxers, it was the first time that he did so with only Derek in the bed._

_“I can hear you thinking,” Derek grumbled as he turned his head in Stiles’ direction. “Just go back to sleep Stiles.”_

_It wasn’t he was thinking hard, it was that Stiles could see the exact moment Derek had noticed the amount of muscle he’d put on while at school. He watched as Derek’s eyes roamed over his body before he was fully under the covers. Stiles shivered under the red hue of the alpha’s eyes. Derek reached out to halt the progression of the covers._

_“Show me,” Derek said through dropped fangs, “I want to see.”_

_“See what,” Stiles’ voiced words husky to his own ears._

_“You. I want to see you.”_

_Stiles slowly lowered his side of the covers. The cool air of the loft caused him to shiver. He felt himself as he grew hard from the looks that lingered as the alpha perused his body. Part of him wanted to preen, the other part wanted to hide under the covers and forget that this ever happened. Stiles watched the alpha as he watched him. He held his body still while Derek leaned closer and inhaled._

_“God, you smell so good,” Derek whispered, his lips close to Stiles’ ear. “Always smelt so good.” Derek continued as he scented the air, “Hate when you smell like other people.”  
Derek crowded closer to Stiles. Goosebumps rose on his skin when he felt the hard ridge of Derek’s cock as it pressed into his hip. There was no space saved for Jesus and Stiles prayed that there never was. Not again_

_“Can always smell your arousal. Like a drug. Missed it. Smelled it earlier. Human side stupid.” Stiles exhaled quickly and met Derek’s eyes, confused by the broken sentences and knew that it may have been Derek’s face but it was the wolf’s eyes that stared back at him._

_“Mine.” The wolf said._

_Stiles shook his head, “No.”_

_“Yes.” The wolf tilted his head. A cute expression Stiles would say if it was any another time._

_“No, not until Derek’s back,” Stiles said as he grabbed Derek’s face. “I need him to tell me. Then I’ll be yours.”_

_“We are the same.”_

_“You may be right, but not right now, alpha.”_

_They both felt the rumble that came from Derek’s chest. “Mine.” He repeated._

_“Yes, alpha, I’m yours, but I need to hear it from Derek first,” Stiles said. The words caused a tugging sensation in his chest that pulled him forward towards the alpha. He was and would always be Derek’s fully, completely, irrevocably and he’d let Derek mate him right now, but he needed Derek on board. Stiles would never take Derek’s consent away. He loved him too much to ever be like Kate. Not even when his wolf gave the go ahead._

_Stiles watched as his alpha rolled on top of him and lined their cocks up together. He hissed out a breath at the heat between them, he’d wanted this for so long, loved Derek for years, and he wouldn’t take this experience away from them. Stiles reached up and cupped the side of Derek’s face and rubbed gentle circle under his eye. The wolf leaned into him and placed a soft kiss on the palm of his hand._

_“I need Derek back. Please.” Stiles said quietly._

_Hazel- green eyes looked down at him lit by the moonlight the flowed through the windows behind the bed. Derek was looking back at him and the sight was beautiful. Stiles watched as Derek searched his face before he grounded his hips down onto Stiles’. Both of them moaned at the contact._

_“You back with me big guy,” Stiles said on a shaky breath. He wanted to rut against the alpha but this was too important._

_Derek nodded his head._

_“You’ll have to use your words, Derek.”_

_“Yeah.” He whispered. Derek leaned down and let his tongue run over the freckles that lined Stiles’ collar bone. “So many stars. I’ve wanted to trace them for a while now. I want to find out how many constellations that cover your body. I bet they’ll all taste just as sweet.”_

_Stiles moaned. He hadn’t known that Derek could say so much. He mostly spoke with his eyebrows, but never so much with his mouth. Stiles prided his self on his knowledge of ‘eyebrow speak’. He was the president, VP, and treasure of the ‘Derek Hale Eyebrow Club’. But this was something that he could decipher. This was the mouth of the alpha and this mouth had made its way up his neck and along his jaw._

_“You smell so good, Stiles. I can’t help myself anymore.” Derek said as he let his full weight fall down on to Stiles. “Are you sure you want this, Stiles? Please be sure.”_

_“I am.”_

_Not many words were said after that. Stiles felt the desire that rolled through him as Derek's lips met his. Neither one of them said anything when tears ran down Stiles' face. Derek just kissed them away. He never judged Stiles or flinched at any of the emotions that Stiles showed._

_Derek had divested them of their clothes at some time between the first kiss and the fifteenth. It was as if Stiles was drowning under the alpha and they were going down together. The waves of want and lust surrounded them as it pulled them in deeper. Submerged them further with each kiss and trust of their hips against one another. Stiles knew that love had the power to consume, but what he felt from Derek had the power to drown._

_Derek reached down between them and wrapped his hand around the both of them. His palm large and hot as it started to tug them together; his thumb rubbed the top of Stiles’ head. Derek leaned down placed his head down into the crook of Stiles' neck as he tilted it back to expose it to the alpha. The drag and pull of their cocks slid against each other while Stiles’ hand joined Derek’s. Pre-cum enough lubricant enough for them to ease the slide. Stiles' hips stuttered a tattoo beat against their hands when the feeling and emotions became too much._

_“Derek!” Stiles cried out when Derek placed his teeth against the meaty part of his shoulder and bit down. His whole body jerked as he came. The pleasure of his release overshadowed the feeling that tugged at his chest pulled tighter._

_A few strokes later Derek howled as he came all over Stiles’ stomach. Panting nonsense into Stiles’ ear._

Stiles jerked awake as he came down his pants. He didn’t get a chance to recover or be embarrassed. He didn’t have time for anything as he was dragged down into another dream. Just as restless and drowning as the one before. He only hoped this one would be better than the last.

~0~

Derek found that he couldn’t meet anyone’s eyes after his confession. He didn’t want to admit that the best sex he ever had was with a spastic nineteen-year-old. Hell, he refused to admit that the first time he was inside Stiles that night he felt his wolf howl in joy. He had been so confused by it that he dismissed it as excitement. He also paid it no mind when his wolf took over in the beginning and chalked it up Stiles no longer being a child but a man. 

Stiles was no longer the sixteen-year-old that Derek remembered. No longer the oddly mature kid that held him up in the pool for two hours. Now, he was the college kid who came back smelling of other lovers. Derek remembered the first time it happened, it had infuriated him so much that he waited until the pack scent marked Stiles first before he even acknowledged him. 

A howl ripped out of his mouth as his wolf tried to take over. Derek fought to push it back down but there was no use. In his weakened state, a brownie could kick his ass and he’d let it. He glanced around the room and noticed that Jerry and Eurus were the only two left in the cabin. Marisol must have escorted Marissa out while he had been lost in his head. 

“Derek, we have to get you back to your mate,” Jerry said to catch the alpha’s attention.

“I’ve told you that I don’t have a mate,” Derek said. “My mate just walked out of here.”

“Be that as it may,” Eurus started, “We do need to get you back to your pack. It’s only going to get worse the longer that you’re here.”

Derek nodded along as she talked. The thought of going back to his territory did sound appealing. He missed his pack and wanted to see them again even if it meant seeing Stiles.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Updated 4/26/19

“Stiles.” His wolf howled.

“What was that?” Jerry asked.

Derek hadn’t realized that he had said that out loud. Of all things to be embarrassed about, he now had to deal with his wolf standing apart from him. He opened his mouth to respond to Jerry when his phone rang. 

“Do you want me to get that?” Jerry said as he walked over to his phone. “It says, Jackson.”

Derek nodded, “Please, that’s my beta.”

“Hello," Jerry said when he answered. "Yes, this is Alpha Salvatore…no problem,” Jerry replied. Derek was unable to hear the other side of the conversation no matter how hard he tried to eavesdrop. “Yes, he is… No, we were just figuring out how to bring him home… Well, it’s a bit of a situation and it’s not safe for him to drive. Oh, I see. Okay, we’ll be here when you arrive. Do you know how to get here? … Perfect. See you soon.”

Derek listened as Jerry spoke to Jackson. He prayed that Jerry wouldn't tell them what was going on but not saying things that needed to be said had gotten him in this situation in the first place. He should have said something 5 years ago when he left that note for Stiles. He should have said something three years ago when Stiles brought Marcus home for the first time. He should have said something countless times in between. Derek knew that he was never known for using his words. Just ask Stiles.

“Looks like you’re going home sooner than we thought. Your betas, Jackson, Boyd and Isaac are on their way to come to get you.” Jerry said when he returned to Derek’s side. 

“Eurus can you make something to help the alpha sleep for his trip back home? It will help his betas get him home safely.”

Eurus nodded her head and left the cabin. Derek watched her leave with foreboding in his heart. Going back would mean that he had to see Stiles. Had to see Marcus. That he had to see Stiles and Marcus together; planning their wedding. The wedding that was going to be in his backyard. Something that he agreed to cause he knew how to use words. Just never knew how to use the right ones.

Yeah, he was a smart alpha. 

_‘No, you are a stupid alpha.’_ said his wolf.

Derek groaned and rolled onto his side and tried to bury himself in the mattress. If only that would help the situation. He did not like what was going on and not having control of his body or his wolf seriously pissed him off. So yeah, he was going back home, even if that meant that he was going back to see Stiles. 

 

~~0~~~

 

Jackson pulled up to the Salvatore pack house less than two hours after he left Beacon Hills. He didn’t give Isaac or Boyd a chance to back out of going with him. The pack had been through too much to have these two idiots be the downfall of one of the strongest North Western U.S. werewolf packs. Hell, he, himself, had come too far with this pack to watch it implode over a miscommunication or whatever the fuck that happened between Derek and Stiles. 

Jackson knew that he wasn’t the best communicator in the pack but after this, they had to give him some credit. He was the first one the pack, as a whole, came to when they needed something or someone to cuddle with. Jackson loved his role in the pack and he’d be damned if he didn’t take being the pack comforter seriously. Therefore, he would take his alpha and best friend back home kicking and screaming even if it killed him. 

“Let’s go,” Jackson said to the other two as he exited the black SUV. He didn’t wait for them to follow as he rounded on the house and made his way up the stairs to the pack house. He raised his hand to knock when he was met with the sound of laughter. Jackson looked around and saw tiny heads peeking around the side of the house. Moon still high in the sky it would be a while before anyone in the pack settled in for the night. 

“Little ones, is your Alpha around?” Jackson called out to them. He didn’t want to be rude and ignore the children. Hell, who was he kidding, he didn’t have the time for necessitates, but he was on another alpha’s territory and he could be respectful. A little.

“He is with your alpha,” came the response over his shoulder. Jackson whipped his head around and hissed. He did _not_ like being surprised.

“Ah, you must be Jackson. Come with me,” said an older woman. “My mate, Jerry, is with Derek in his cabin. Eurus just returned from giving Derek tea that will help him sleep on the way back.”

“Why would he need to sleep?” Boyd interrupted following behind her as she wove through the trees.

“Ah, well, it may be best if Jerry tells you,” Marisol said stopping before a small cabin. She didn’t make her way inside but stepped around them and headed back the way they came.

The trio looked around the area to make sure no one would attack them. They knew that they were on friendly land but Stiles and Derek both taught them to always be alert. One never knew when the wolf was needed. It was always better to ask for permission than forgiveness. Satisfied, Jackson and Boyd walked into the cabin, which left, Isaac to watch their backs.

“He’s asleep now boys,” was the first thing that Alpha Salvatore said once they opened the door. “We should get him in the car before he wakes.” 

“What happened? Why is he asssleep?” Jackson asked unable to keep the kanima out of his voice.

Jerry looked at them and inhaled deeply, ignoring Jackson. “Ah, so you know his mate.” He said as he turned to face them. 

“His mate?” Isaac called from the doorway, so much for watching their backs.

“Yes, his mate. You all smell like you’ve been surrounded by a pack of whores.” Jerry said as he gestured to them.

“That’s my packmate you’re talking about, I’d watch it if I was you,” rumbled Boyd. 

“I mean no offense to you and yours. Though the truth stands. Someone in your pack is in heat and your alpha here,” Jerry said as he pointed to the bed where Derek lay, “is in a rut. Thus, your alpha has a mate.”

No one spoke for a few minutes while the truth of Jerry’s words hung in the air. 

“If he knew… If he knew, that he had a mate and he knew and he chose to come up here--,” Jackson cut himself off before he could finish his sentence. He’d yell at Derek in private not while in front of another alpha.

“He didn’t know,” came a whispered voice. “He wanted to mate with me tonight, but he-,” Marissa’s words cut off with a soft sob. “I, um, came to bring you the things that he gave with me. He’d want them back, they're meant for... for his… for his mate.” She finished as she placed a small velvet bag on top of Derek’s bed.

A small groan broke up the awkward silence that hung in the air. Spurred by the sound Jackson and Boyd moved towards the bed. 

“Boyd, grab Derek. I’ll grab his things and meet you back at the car.” Jackson said as he started gathering everything that smelled like Derek. If he left anything he could have them mailed back to Beacon Hills.

On the way out the door, Jackson turned back to the two that were still standing in the small cabin. “For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I’m sure Derek is too.” Jackson said before closing the cabin door.

~~0~~~

Stiles shuddered awake from his third dream drenched in sweat and soaked in cum. After the second time, he refused to be embarrassed about the situation. Okay, that was a lie, but he could only do so much as weak as he was. 

“Stiles, I know that you’re awake,” Erica said from the far end of Derek’s bed.

“Ugh,” Stiles replied and covered his head with his pillow. At least they brought him his pillow, it was a small comfort, while he was stuck in Derek's bed.

“You need to eat something.”

“I don’t want food, Erica. I don't want to be in this bed as it is. What I want is for this to be over so that I can go after my fiancé.” Stiles said from under the pillow. “And I’d really like to not be here covered in my own come.” There was no use in fighting with her. He knew that he wasn’t going to win in this state, but he made the effort regardless. His body was drained and until Deaton could come up with something better than the saltwater tea that he downed after he woke up, he’d be better off.

Stiles was pulled back into another round of dreams before he could hear her reply.

 

****

 

_The dawning rays of daylight chased away the moonlight that drifted in through the large windows above Derek’s bed as they spread across every surface in the room, including the expanse of Stiles’ back as he slowly moved within Derek._

_Derek’s hand snaked around Stiles, claw tip fingers lay abreast shoulders, as Derek pulled Stiles in deeper, closer, nearer to him. Red eyes peaked through slotted lids as pleasure washed over the entwined couple._

_Every breath in was a breath out. Breathing in sync. Lover to Lover. Mage to Wolf. Alpha to Mate. Together. In. Out._

_Stiles pulled back until only the head of him sat breached just past Derek’s rim. He waited with bated breath as he looked down at the man he’d loved since he was sixteen._

_Three years and he was here. Inside him. Surrounded by him. A part of him. Within. Him._

_“You with me big guy?” Stiles asked the wolf beneath him._

_Red wolf eyes locked on amber ones with a nod. Stiles always knew who peeked out him behind the red eyes of the alpha and was ecstatic to know that Derek was with him, here in this moment._

_“Good,” He murmured and thrust in with all the power he could conjure._

_Derek’s head snapped back and he howled. A melody that Stiles longed to hear for the rest of his life. A sound that had his heart howling in response. Stiles bent his head to lick the expanse of Derek’s neck that was bared to him. He didn’t know if Derek meant to do it on purpose, to submit his wolf to him, to lay bare before him, open._

_Stiles wrapped his arms under Derek’s legs, pulled him closer, bent the alpha forward as he slowed the roll his hips. He moved slowly as to brand his name inside the man that he loved. Moved as if to lose himself in the slow drowning undertow of love. The first night of many that Stiles could only hope for. That he could pray for._

_Unable to hold back, Stiles whispered “I love you, Derek. I love you, Alpha.” A repeated mantra. A nearly silent prayer as he moved. Stiles was consumed while his body beat out a tattoo of 'I love you’s' the deeper he tried to fuse with the man beneath him. The deeper he tried the more he cried out, never wanting Derek to doubt his love for him. Never wanted him to forget._

_Panting words and stuttered whimpers were all that could be heard in the loft as the sun continued to rise. Until that answered prayer came calling. Until…_

****

“Stiles!” Derek roared, as he came, some ninety miles away from his mate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ~~Hey yall, I wanted to say thank you for your patience with me in waiting for the next chapter. My goal is to have one up in the next few weeks. I'll let you in on a bit of info about my writing.~~  
>     
> When I write scenes with so much emotion and pain as this one has been, I physically have to feel every emotion that each character is feeling in order for me to write their scene.
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> ~~So, if it hurts you when you read, just triple that ache and that's me for hours on end.~~
> 
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> ~~Anywho. I will get the next chapter out then we should be on the other side of this cluster fuck Derek has gotten himself in to.~~
> 
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> ~~~~In the mean time check out my other two stories while you wait.~~~~


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